Embracing Vulnerability

I have always been a positive person, and even though I have my moments, I am known to be the positive one in most situations.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy life and always see positivity in others and life.

Behind the scenes however, what struck me is that while being positive comes naturally, I struggle with negative emotions, such as fear, shame, and rejection. I have a habit of trying to find a solution to problems as quickly as possible to avoid sitting too long with the pain and the negative emotions that come with it, avoiding it like a plague. 

In His loving grace, God showed me these two lessons:

First, I have a vulnerability struggle and second, there are some life lessons that only pain can teach us. When we try to avoid pain because we hate feeling vulnerable, we stunt our growth.

 So, what is vulnerability?

According to Brene Brown, for authentic connections to happen, we should allow ourselves to be seen, like really seen. Vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness, but it appears that it’s also the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging, and love.

 When we avoid things because we feel weak and vulnerable, we also avoid the opportunities to cultivate love and genuine connections.

 Perhaps like me, you fear vulnerability, shame, and fear that people will use your weaknesses against you. We live in a crazy world, after all, and people can be untrustworthy.

 Growing up, in my culture at least, we were taught to suck it up and keep going, we were shamed when we felt sad or afraid and dared to speak up. You were said to be too sensitive or a wimp.

We grow up learning that being vulnerable is unsafe so we bottle up the negative emotions, suck it up and keep going.

Over time, you learn to suppress and ignore the emotions you should address and instead wear a mask.

A mask like the strong black woman or the positive girl, all the while covering your deepest fears, shame, insecurities and struggles.

The very things you need to bring to the light of God’s loving grace so you can be healed.

When we feel emotions like fear, sadness, anger or shame, we feel vulnerable.

When we feel vulnerable, we feel seen and with this comes an increased fear of rejection, shame and or embarrassment.

It’s the feeling that when you trust someone with your struggles, you will be judged so you'd rather hide your struggles.

It’s the feeling when you have to ask for a raise at work, have that difficult conversation or tell someone you are sorry. You risk rejection and the fear can make it impossible to open up.

But without embracing vulnerability we risk enjoying the things that make life fulfilling, like deeper connections, true belonging, genuine friendships, authenticity and love.

We even miss a deeper connection with God if we are unwilling to be vulnerable and open with HIM. 

 So, how can we embrace vulnerability?

Picture this the next time you are afraid to do something because you are feeling vulnerable:

You are in the centre of a fully packed arena and all lights are on you, everyone is staring at you and you feel seen. Like they see everything, your weaknesses, your struggles, your fears, your insecurities, they see everything about you and you feel so alone and the fear starts bubbling up. The fear of their judgements, laughter, rejection, criticism etc.

 BUT…instead of being afraid and hiding, imagine GOD standing next to you in the centre of that arena, in the middle, right with you, not condemning you, not judging you but loving you and embracing you in His loving arms with full acceptance.

This is how we can deal with the fear of vulnerability, knowing that no matter what, we are so deeply loved, worthy and accepted. When we receive God’s love and we choose to love and accept ourselves unconditionally, WE CHOOSE TO BE FREE. Free of judgement, shame and fear.

In John 8-11, Jesus said to the woman I don’t condemn you, go and leave your sinful life.

When we know we have a God who will never condemn us, we feel safe to embrace vulnerability knowing that no matter what, we are and will always be loved.